First: A man who had studied management and was a manager of marketing department of one hospital in Chitwan. As it was my first experience, I did not know what to talk about and how. I still don’t know. He asked me- What do you expect from life? I didn’t understand. I said- I don’t know how I should answer your question. I want freedom. I want to be myself. I want my own identity. I have a wish to roam around the world and make documentary films. I have a plan to study abroad on film making.
He said- There are enough FM stations in Chitwan. I know you will get a job there.
I said- I am not working in FM and have no such plans. The organization was established by ourselves and I wish to work for that organization wherever I am.
He said- Being the first son of family, my parents want me to get married in November it was already October. What do you say?
I said- I need time because we don’t know each other. I can decide whether we can be life partners or not only after knowing each other for at least three months.
How could I risk my life?
He gave me his visiting card, I gave him my email address. He asked me to think seriously in the issue, I told him I need time.
We departed. Later he wrote- Your dreams and plans are too high, I can’t support you to accomplish them.
I wrote back- Thank you.
My mom and Maiju (Maternal Aunt) blamed me that I was not good enough. I should have accepted whatever he said because he earned handsome money.

Second: Bunu Didi took me to meet a guy who her sister-in-law (Sarala Didi) wanted me to marry. The man was studying Engineering. We met. The man was so shy that he didn’t even look at me or speak a single word. He just talked to Sarala Didi’s son who was playing with his toys. I asked him about his education and work. That was all. I felt embarrassed. I asked Bunu didi to quit the idea of tying my knot to this silent guy.
Bunu didi said, the guy’s sister said I laughed with high pitch.

Third: My mom’s sister wanted me to meet a guy. He was the younger brother of my botany teacher in high school and had rejected a Staff Nurse. The Nurse had one eye slightly smaller than the other. I had heard he was searching for a girl who has studied Nursing or Engineering so that she will have no problem getting job anywhere. He himself had completed Overseer in Electrical and been trained more. So they said he was an Engineer. He or lets say his family wanted him to marry the very month.
He talked about his family, his mom, his responsibilities, his plans, his work and everything. He did not ask me anything and I told him nothing. When I asked what kind of girl he wanted, he said he has no choice. I told him that I need enough time to know people, he appreciated. We exchanged numbers.
He never called me and I never called him.
Mom and her sister blamed me that I didn’t present myself in good manners. They indirectly said I had asked him to put an end to this relation. Bunu didi said she would call the man and talk but I didn’t allow because if he was interested in me, he would have called himself.

Forth: Ashu made me meet a man who she herself did not know. She, like my mom, Bunu didi and others wanted me to marry anyone and everyone.
He had political background. He said he is popular and powerful. He told that he can help me find jobs in schools and help in many other things. He was busy talking about himself for more than an hour. I listened.
He said- I don’t like Nurse (my Didi, I mean sister is a Nurse). Nurse, air hostess and media personnel; I hate women in these sectors because they are characterless.
Oh God, how can a young man have such a notion? How could Ashu do this to me?
He continued- I always tell my girl students. Don’t become a Nurse. I teach in a Nursing Campus. I ask those girls not to become Nurse because Nurse have no authority to prescribe medicines. They are just the shadow of Doctors. They always go after Doctor and end marrying one. I hate the profession.
I was asking myself whether I should make this man get out of my office or listen to his filthy talks.
He further said- I am a frank man, I love frank people. I beat my students, bang them by legs because I love them. If you love someone, you can do whatever you like. I am very close to them. They love me and I love them. I am very frank. People like me because of it. My landlords too like me so much because I am frank. My coworkers, my colleagues, friends, family, everyone like me. I am that kind of man. People from my village respect our family. We are educated, we are smart, we are rich, yet we work in the field. My father works hard in the field. People appreciate us so much.
I asked- Amm… I wanted to know what subject you teach.
He answered- Physics. You know I don’t like Engineers (my Daju, I mean brother is an Engineer). That is why I studied physics.
I nearly asked- So what do you like? But stopped because it was none of my business. Yet I asked him- what is your plan for life?
He answered- I don’t know. You know, I have realized I can’t think alone. I want to get married first and only plan further. Ah, for the time being, my plan is to marry.
Oh!
He continued- We have met for the same purpose. Hope we will further meet and talk.
I had been continuously looking at my watch. May be he got the signal. We departed. Ashu was excited to know how I had found the guy. I told her clearly that this was not the man I wanted in life. She insisted I should meet again and again to know him. I rejected.
I told my Didi about the talks and she was furious to Ashu that she brought a man who she herself didn’t know. Ashu was with didi when I was talking to the guy in private. So didi had found out Ashu had met the man the day before for the first time and knew nothing at all about him.
This meeting was not revealed to mom or Bunu didi because they would have forced me to marry this man too as they had done before.

Fifth: My exam was on Tuesday, Kamal Bhinaju (Bunu Didi’s husband) called me a week before and ordered me to be available on Friday the whole day. I said I have exam but he insisted saying this is the man made for me and I must meet him on Friday by any means. It was an order.
We had to wait for more than half an hour because this so called smartest of all humans had a presentation. He didn’t even say sorry for making people wait for so long. Kamal Bhinaju and Mr Smart discussed on who is best among them for half an hour. They utilized the most part of time appreciating oneself. They were trying to prove oneself the most smart, best and most popular human being on earth. Finally Bhinaju left us for private talks. As he left, the man said- Kamal jee, left us making excuse.
I smiled.
With harsh tone, he said- I don’t know why you are laughing but we have met here because Kamal jee thinks we can marry each other.
I know.
So, what do you say?
I need time.
Ah, you have enough. More than you need and more than I need.
I smiled again.
You know?’ He started ‘I am highly demanded in Nepal.’ And he explained how he was offered five jobs the same day and how difficult it was for him to choose one among them. He did not forget to tell me that Teaching Hospital has been waiting for him from three months, but he has no plans to return.
He was doing PhD in Psychology.
He told me that he wants to go abroad (this was because Kamal Bhinaju had told him I am planning for abroad studies).
For what? I asked.
To study further. You know, I have a passion for education. I am never tired studying.
In my case, I had told him thrice that I have exams on Tuesday. I don’t know what he was busy thinking. Later he said, please call me tomorrow or give me a missed call, I will call you back.
I said- I will call you only after my exams because I don’t want to think of anything else except for my exam for the time being.
He asked- when is your exam?
Startled, I said- On tuesday.
He was amazed- This Tuesday?
Yes.
Okay, then call me after your exam.
Okay.
Bhinaju came and passed him the tie that Mr. Smart had left at Bhinaju’s home when he once had been there. He was thankful for that and added- You know, I love to were tie anywhere and everywhere. (He was wearing one). I want to be formal all the time.
In the meeting, he was so much harsh and was trying to be my guardian that I hated it. More he was so boastful of himself that it irritated me. He was time and again saying- Don’t feel insecure, don’t be nervous. Feel free. We have enough time.
I time and again thought, can I spend my life with a man who is so much boastful about himself? Can I tolerate his guardianship and dictatorship? No! I can’t!
Bunu didi was very excited to hear me. I was neither positive nor negative. Bhinaju and she tried to force me. I asked them to let me give exams before thinking of these things.
Another day, Mr Smart send a text in my cell- Hi, how are you? How do you feel? Did I hurt you yesterday? I don’t want anyone to get hurt because of me and this is what I am always concerned.
After thinking for long I replied- My heart says we are not made for each other. I am sorry. Wish you happiness. Take Care, God Bless.
The reply was- Best wishes for your life, Thank you.
I felt relieved. Bhinaju called after an hour and nearly scolded me. He asked what I wanted to tell about the relationship and I answered I have already told him, so he need not worry. The couple were angry about my reaction and I had to answer about it later.

I don’t know if one must get married to anyone who comes to her way or should have her self identity… I wonder what parents and relatives wish for you… Happiness! But, can you risk your life? No!

Leaving Microsoft to Change the World
Author: John Wood
Once we were at Ekta Books to buy some books on Essay Writing when I picked ‘Microsoft Dekhi Bahun Danda Samma’. Amir dai paid for the book and I scanned through some of the pages. But I hardly read 25 pages. I felt like I need to do something that makes myself happy and only I can read this book. Mahabharata project was recently canceled or let me say postponed and I was a kind of frustrated at that time. The book remained untouched for more than a year. I read several other books in 2010. and Mayur Times by Narayan Wagle.
In 2009, we decided to start Aangan Foundation for serving the community directly and Studio Mandala for producing audio programs for educating and awaring the people. This was a positive change that allowed me to get out of the trauma brought about by cancellation of Mahabharata and jump to something new. I am repeatedly saying cancellation though I hope it is just postponed and will revive someday in future. I have reasons to say cancellation and have reasons to hope it is yet not. I believe I will one day be able to write about that too. Aangan Foundation came to existence in 2009, Studio Mandala in 2010. Leaving Microsoft to Change the World impressed, encouraged and made me feel good about myself. I want to make Aangan Foundation an organization like Room to Read. I believe I can contribute more love, energy and effort. I believe I will get the opportunity.

Key of Light
Author: Nora Roberts
Didi sent me four books altogether. I read three of them in 2010. Tuesdays with Moorie by Mitch Albom, Men’s Search for Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl, Night by Elie Wiesel are more than I can explain. These books must be read in your lifetime. If not all three, read at least the first one. I have no words to express how much I am impressed. Thank you Didi for the care and ever growing love.
In Key of Light Nora Roberts sets three women in a mission to free five heavenly characters from their imprisonment. The women find the Key. What attracted me is the desire of the women to free the little princess out of the glass house, otherwise it is a so so novel.

The Valkyries
Author: Paulo Coelho
This was My Own , hehe. In book fair 2009, I had asked Happy Prayash, my brother, to buy any book by Paulo Coelho and he had brought this one. Annu finished reading before I did. She was asking me many questions after going through the book which I found answered when I myself read the book.

Buddha’s Orphans
Author: Samrat Upadhyay
Snigdha (Nani) and I always talk about the books we have read or been reading. She saves pocket money to buy books. I wonder if all teenagers are like her, at least most?? That would be great!! you will find seven out of twelve books that I read this year are borrowed from my lovely sister. I am always thankful for her trust and love upon me.
I wanted to read any books by Samrat Upadhyay or Manjushree Thapa, the Nepali writers who write in English. When Sniku offered me Buddha’s Orphans, I instantly begun. It didn’t take me long to finish the book.

Veronika Decides to Die
Author: Paulo Coelho
I had carried this book from Delhi to Kathmandu as a gift to Shlagha from Daju. Nani said- Dizzu, please take care of the book’ while handing it to me. This too, Annu read before I did. Then Nani took it back. After months I chanced to ask her again and she gave me Eleven Minutes along with it. She said- You should read Eleven Minutes first. That is the best book I ever read.’ I took both and read Veronika Decides to Die before Eleven Minutes. But it did not take me long to finish Eleven Minutes too.

The Lucky One
Author: Nicholas Sparks
This one I got from Annu. I am a good story teller. I told this story to Bunu Didi and family. Telling stories is one of my hobbies, hehe I tell those stories to Sushila and Sangita in bus, thanks God they are not irritated… I tell those stories to Buni Didi, who wants to hear. She says, I make her feel like she is reading the story line by line. I can’t summarize things you know? Telling a story for me is telling it in whole. Nani (Sampada), Sunita and Babu (Sambid) are also interested in listening to the stories. You see? I am not bad at story telling! Last time when I was telling them about The Lucky One Bhinaju (Bunu Sister’s Husband) entered the room and ordered everyone to go to their respective beds. Babu was to sleep with Bhinaju, so he requested me to continue the story the next morning while Nani and Sunita wanted it to be completed the very time. I too wanted to finish it in single sitting. Though I can’t finish reading in one sitting, I can tell the whole story, lol. Babu could not manage time the next morning as he was to prepare for school. He still talks about it and wants me to tell the same story again. Other stories I told are Key of Light and Buddha’s Orphans.

The Winner Stands Alone
Author: Paulo Coelho
This too, I found in Snigdha’s library. She had not read it yet, but was ready to hand me as I wanted to read as many as I could. The serial killer does not impress me much but this was an insight into the world of glamor.

Five Point Someone
Author: Chetan Bhagat
Again my dear Sniku. Are you thinking why I read the book? I haven’t watched Three Idiots yet. Yes, the book is so much full of fun and filmy masala but I like how Bhagat inserts humor in greatest of miseries.

The God of Small Things
Author: Arundhati Roy
This book remained in Studio Mandala Library for a long time. I went through few pages and put back into the shelf. After going through the book, now I am amazed why I was not interested to read the book in whole beforehand? I yet don’t know the reason. I will never forget the life Estha and Rahel lived. I feel bad that the police officers murdered Chako for no reasons. This kind of violence is happening everyday here, I want an end to it. I can tell this story to people: To Bunu didi and family if they have time when I visit them the next time.

Wuthering Heights
Author: Emily Bronte
Before too Sniku had asked me if I would love to read Wuthering Heights. I denied. I had borrowed The Invisible Man by H. G. Wells and Three Men in a Boat by Jerome K. Jerome from Annu but did not bother to read. As I already mentioned I am not a voracious reader, I am not self motivated to read. The author should do it on my behalf or I should have prepared myself that the book has so much in it which I will miss if I don’t pay attention in the content. I have a habit of reading every single line and every single word, thoroughly, with full attention and I want to be anxious about the happenings. If I don’t think of the book during the day while at work, I won’t be thinking of it in the evening at home. I don’t think means I won’t read. So, the book must have something that clicks my head at other times than when I am reading it.
But later when I thought my mission of reading 10 books is to be met by any means, I thought to give it a try. And within five days (I read the book only in evening because mornings are for writing or reading other stuffs and days are for office works.) I had completed it.

Who Moved My Cheese?
Author: Dr. Spencer Johnson
I had not entered the date read for Winner Stands Alone and Five point someone. Thus, it showed I read only nine books including Wuthering Heights. I wrote a status on facebook asking people to lend me one book that I would finish in single sitting. Three comments (this may sound too less for you but too high for me as my status mostly go unnoticed) suggesting books. Ah, one among them was an offer too. But I could not manage time. I was running short of time and deadlines to meet at office and personal work. Drama recording, translation of two short animated movies for children, audio recording, story for drama on transitional justice… a hectic schedule. I picked Who Moved my Cheese? that I had got from Sniku again, and finished it in a single sitting. It is short.

And finally, the 12 books helped me achieve 120% in the challenge. Happy
Now, Walden by Henry David Thoreau is the first book in my list for the next year. Kim didi gifted the book to me and I hope I will like it. You must have thought I don’t buy books by my own when you went through the list. I must admit, yes. I would love to buy them; I used to buy books but I seldom do it now. You may laugh at my reasons but in fact I earn no money. My office supports me somehow. what I got this year was utilized in paying college bills for dissertation, preparing thesis, printing and binding that, paying for the transcript, provisional and migration certificate, buying my unavoidable needs and also the bus fare. Besides this, I earned some extra money doing other works out of which I contributed Rs. 2500 for the furniture distribution project in a school in Terai. Also, you may be wondering where I got all those lovely dresses from. Let me mention Didi, Bhauju and Manju here. They have bought me enough clothes that will be sufficient for some three to four years from now. They have gifted me bags, cream, ear rings, lotions, lip gloss, eye shadows, perfumes, diaries, pen drive, pencil cases, t-shirts, coats, sweaters, chains, caps, gloves, socks; oh, everything! I haven’t bought anything besides pant from a year. Deepa didi is another lady who brought the fancy bag, bangles, face cream, lip balm, body lotion…. Didi has paid so much of my other bills and Daju sent me mobile phone, this lappy, pen drive and lot many things that I won’t be mentioning here but later somewhere. Besides, Sushila is there who has been supporting me with credit in her store and lending me money when I need. I owe credit to Annu as well who is currently herself in crisis. I wish to support her financially but am helpless. Also, Dev da contributed to tfcnepal on my behalf, he bought the t-shirt for me… This is how things are. I am happy that all my needs are fulfilled and in the mean time, I am learning so much.
Thus, I am left with few thousands of loan, pretty much hope, handsome amount of energy and a cheerful face. I know 2012 gonna rock and the years ahead gonna follow 2012 with more hopes and success.
I am thankful to all the people around me.
I wish I could read as many books as I can and tell the stories to as many people as I can.
Reading was my passion from early childhood. In school, I read a great number of books, comparatively higher than what most children of my age did. As I grew, I read too less than what youth of my age did. I don’t know why… I seem to be too much engrossed in something else, writing! Some 8 months back, I tore almost everything that I had written from 1997/8 to 2009. Those Ekata Kapoor Serial type lengthy plays, stories, poems, diaries, all. Now I have nothing in papers though they are still in my mind; yes, the sort of characters, events and their development. I don’t remember all but most. So, I can’t claim I can write something different or new but I hope I can write with renewed spirit and visions after a few years. I want to read a few dozens of books before that.

The child who loves to see the world with colorful spectacles, the girl who wants to feel the earth in her soul, the lady who worships love, honesty and practice, oh, I don’t know. You know me better than I do, and this is what is clear to me. With your love and faith upon me, the wings grew in my tiny body. With your affection and encouragement, I learned to take leaps up. With your blessings and prayers, I achieved all that I am. And finally, when you think I am ready to face the worldly challenges, you set me free. The vast universe is waiting me, yes I love the deep blue sky, I love the dark green forest, I love the bouquets of white cloud over the hills, I love flowing rivers… And yes, I will reach, I will reach the sea, I will feel the sea, I will flow along with the waves and I will live the sea. One day, I will, because this is what you want me to do.

You want my head high, smile in the face and love in the eyes. You want my head high, peace in the look, vision in deeds and gratitude in practice. You want my head high, faith in soul, honesty in heart and politeness in words. You want my head high, patience in problems, prayers in lips and positivity in attitude. I will keep your words; I will meet your expectations and materialize your dreams. I will not let you down, I will please your soul, I will.

Now what? Kiss on my cheeks, and chant a prayer; kiss on my forehead and bless me. This is not a goodbye; I will come to you with a bigger soul. I will sleep in your lap and you will sing for me. And what? You are always in me, in my soul, and this is why I will be the achiever. Without you, I am nothing and with you, I am the angel.