A sister of mine who is eight years younger to me wants to marry a friend of mine who is at least one or two years elder than me.Let me not say a word about the man here who is now nearly my brother-in-law.
I told mom (and dad) about my sister’s proposal to her family about marrying that man. Mom exclaimed: A man of own cast with house in Kathmandu. This is the best decision. I am happy. If children decide to marry early and settle family, that is the best thing.
It was a satire to me who is unmarried and reluctant towards married life. My mom has problem when a female friend of mine gets married because her daughter is unmarried, my mom has problem when a male friend of mine is unmarried because she fears he and her daughter might be in relationship, my mom has problem when a friend of mine becomes pregnant or gives birth to a child because her daughter is yet unmarried, my mom has problem when my married male coworker does not have child because she fears he might have illegal relationship with her daughter.
I met five men till date.
First: A man who had studied management and was a manager of marketing department of one hospital in Chitwan. As it was my first experience, I did not know what to talk about and how. I still don’t know. He asked me- What do you expect from life? I didn’t understand. I said- I don’t know how I should answer your question. I want freedom. I want to be myself. I want my own identity. I have a wish to roam around the world and make documentary films. I have a plan to study abroad on film making.
He said- There are enough FM stations in Chitwan. I know you will get a job there.
I said- I am not working in FM and have no such plans. The organization was established by ourselves and I wish to work for that organization wherever I am.
He said- Being the first son of family, my parents want me to get married in November it was already October. What do you say?
I said- I need time because we don’t know each other. I can decide whether we can be life partners or not only after knowing each other for at least three months.
How could I risk my life?
He gave me his visiting card, I gave him my email address. He asked me to think seriously in the issue, I told him I need time.
We departed. Later he wrote- Your dreams and plans are too high, I can’t support you to accomplish them.
I wrote back- Thank you.
My mom and Maiju (Maternal Aunt) blamed me that I was not good enough. I should have accepted whatever he said because he earned handsome money.
Second: Bunu Didi took me to meet a guy who her sister-in-law (Sarala Didi) wanted me to marry. The man was studying Engineering. We met. The man was so shy that he didn’t even look at me or speak a single word. He just talked to Sarala Didi’s son who was playing with his toys. I asked him about his education and work. That was all. I felt embarrassed. I asked Bunu didi to quit the idea of tying my knot to this silent guy.
Bunu didi said, the guy’s sister said I laughed with high pitch.
Third: My mom’s sister wanted me to meet a guy. He was the younger brother of my botany teacher in high school and had rejected a Staff Nurse. The Nurse had one eye slightly smaller than the other. I had heard he was searching for a girl who has studied Nursing or Engineering so that she will have no problem getting job anywhere. He himself had completed Overseer in Electrical and been trained more. So they said he was an Engineer. He or lets say his family wanted him to marry the very month.
He talked about his family, his mom, his responsibilities, his plans, his work and everything. He did not ask me anything and I told him nothing. When I asked what kind of girl he wanted, he said he has no choice. I told him that I need enough time to know people, he appreciated. We exchanged numbers.
He never called me and I never called him.
Mom and her sister blamed me that I didn’t present myself in good manners. They indirectly said I had asked him to put an end to this relation. Bunu didi said she would call the man and talk but I didn’t allow because if he was interested in me, he would have called himself.
Forth: Ashu made me meet a man who she herself did not know. She, like my mom, Bunu didi and others wanted me to marry anyone and everyone.
He had political background. He said he is popular and powerful. He told that he can help me find jobs in schools and help in many other things. He was busy talking about himself for more than an hour. I listened.
He said- I don’t like Nurse (my Didi, I mean sister is a Nurse). Nurse, air hostess and media personnel; I hate women in these sectors because they are characterless.
Oh God, how can a young man have such a notion? How could Ashu do this to me?
He continued- I always tell my girl students. Don’t become a Nurse. I teach in a Nursing Campus. I ask those girls not to become Nurse because Nurse have no authority to prescribe medicines. They are just the shadow of Doctors. They always go after Doctor and end marrying one. I hate the profession.
I was asking myself whether I should make this man get out of my office or listen to his filthy talks.
He further said- I am a frank man, I love frank people. I beat my students, bang them by legs because I love them. If you love someone, you can do whatever you like. I am very close to them. They love me and I love them. I am very frank. People like me because of it. My landlords too like me so much because I am frank. My coworkers, my colleagues, friends, family, everyone like me. I am that kind of man. People from my village respect our family. We are educated, we are smart, we are rich, yet we work in the field. My father works hard in the field. People appreciate us so much.
I asked- Amm… I wanted to know what subject you teach.
He answered- Physics. You know I don’t like Engineers (my Daju, I mean brother is an Engineer). That is why I studied physics.
I nearly asked- So what do you like? But stopped because it was none of my business. Yet I asked him- what is your plan for life?
He answered- I don’t know. You know, I have realized I can’t think alone. I want to get married first and only plan further. Ah, for the time being, my plan is to marry.
Oh!
He continued- We have met for the same purpose. Hope we will further meet and talk.
I had been continuously looking at my watch. May be he got the signal. We departed. Ashu was excited to know how I had found the guy. I told her clearly that this was not the man I wanted in life. She insisted I should meet again and again to know him. I rejected.
I told my Didi about the talks and she was furious to Ashu that she brought a man who she herself didn’t know. Ashu was with didi when I was talking to the guy in private. So didi had found out Ashu had met the man the day before for the first time and knew nothing at all about him.
This meeting was not revealed to mom or Bunu didi because they would have forced me to marry this man too as they had done before.
Fifth: My exam was on Tuesday, Kamal Bhinaju (Bunu Didi’s husband) called me a week before and ordered me to be available on Friday the whole day. I said I have exam but he insisted saying this is the man made for me and I must meet him on Friday by any means. It was an order.
We had to wait for more than half an hour because this so called smartest of all humans had a presentation. He didn’t even say sorry for making people wait for so long. Kamal Bhinaju and Mr Smart discussed on who is best among them for half an hour. They utilized the most part of time appreciating oneself. They were trying to prove oneself the most smart, best and most popular human being on earth. Finally Bhinaju left us for private talks. As he left, the man said- Kamal jee, left us making excuse.
I smiled.
With harsh tone, he said- I don’t know why you are laughing but we have met here because Kamal jee thinks we can marry each other.
I know.
So, what do you say?
I need time.
Ah, you have enough. More than you need and more than I need.
I smiled again.
You know?’ He started ‘I am highly demanded in Nepal.’ And he explained how he was offered five jobs the same day and how difficult it was for him to choose one among them. He did not forget to tell me that Teaching Hospital has been waiting for him from three months, but he has no plans to return.
He was doing PhD in Psychology.
He told me that he wants to go abroad (this was because Kamal Bhinaju had told him I am planning for abroad studies).
For what? I asked.
To study further. You know, I have a passion for education. I am never tired studying.
In my case, I had told him thrice that I have exams on Tuesday. I don’t know what he was busy thinking. Later he said, please call me tomorrow or give me a missed call, I will call you back.
I said- I will call you only after my exams because I don’t want to think of anything else except for my exam for the time being.
He asked- when is your exam?
Startled, I said- On tuesday.
He was amazed- This Tuesday?
Yes.
Okay, then call me after your exam.
Okay.
Bhinaju came and passed him the tie that Mr. Smart had left at Bhinaju’s home when he once had been there. He was thankful for that and added- You know, I love to were tie anywhere and everywhere. (He was wearing one). I want to be formal all the time.
In the meeting, he was so much harsh and was trying to be my guardian that I hated it. More he was so boastful of himself that it irritated me. He was time and again saying- Don’t feel insecure, don’t be nervous. Feel free. We have enough time.
I time and again thought, can I spend my life with a man who is so much boastful about himself? Can I tolerate his guardianship and dictatorship? No! I can’t!
Bunu didi was very excited to hear me. I was neither positive nor negative. Bhinaju and she tried to force me. I asked them to let me give exams before thinking of these things.
Another day, Mr Smart send a text in my cell- Hi, how are you? How do you feel? Did I hurt you yesterday? I don’t want anyone to get hurt because of me and this is what I am always concerned.
After thinking for long I replied- My heart says we are not made for each other. I am sorry. Wish you happiness. Take Care, God Bless.
The reply was- Best wishes for your life, Thank you.
I felt relieved. Bhinaju called after an hour and nearly scolded me. He asked what I wanted to tell about the relationship and I answered I have already told him, so he need not worry. The couple were angry about my reaction and I had to answer about it later.
I don’t know if it was my mistake or what… I don’t know who among those men should I have married? And I don’t know why my family blame me for it but feel really bad when my mom asks me awkward questions about me and asks hundreds of unnecessary questions about my male friends. I time and again think, is it necessary? I know, none of such shocks or fears are necessary but I can’t convince her. She never listens to me. She has never listened to me from childhood till date and I have forgotten to speak about my feelings and wishes, I have never talked about my plans and desires to them not to anyone because I grew like this. I have been used to at keeping quiet and listening to decisions. [I feel bad when I am not listened to at my workplace besides my honesty, love, effort and time investment there. I feel used and it hurts me a lot. I wonder if this is all I am made to live with my whole life... 
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I don’t know if one must get married to anyone who comes to her way or should have her self identity… I wonder what parents and relatives wish for you… Happiness? I don’t know. I really don’t know. But I don’t think they want you to be happy. They just want to get rid of you and believe marrying you to someone is the best landing. Whether you will be happy or not is not something of their concern. Once you are married, they are relieved. But, can you risk your life for other’s sake? Should you? I DON’T THINK SO!!
How would you feel when your parents do not want to see you in home but you can’t stay outside because they don’t want you to stay alone either? How would you feel if you are rejected and humiliated time and again in your own family?
I can use only one word- pain.
